Bronnie Ware is a well-known Australian author, songwriter, singer, and accomplished speaker. Before turning to writing, she worked as a palliative caregiver. In other words, she cared for people who were approaching the end of their lives. She spent about eight years in this profession. As she looked after her patients, the walls of unfamiliarity between them gradually crumbled. Elderly patients began sharing their personal joys and sorrows, their private concerns, and the struggles they had faced in life.

Bronnie, too, would often ask them about their past. She would try to understand what they had wanted to do in life but had been unable to accomplish, even by the time they had reached such an advanced age. Most of their answers were deeply coloured by longing and regret. They lamented the things they had never managed to do. What was surprising was that their regrets and unfulfilled desires were, for the most part, strikingly similar.

Bronnie began putting their words down on paper and eventually shaped them into an article. It was first published on her blog, Inspiration and Chai, under the title ‘Regrets of the Dying’. The article was widely read and appreciated across the world. Her admirers suggested that the piece, originally published on an online platform, deserved to be developed into a more comprehensive work and published as a book. Thus, in 2012, The Top Five Regrets of the Dyingappeared in book form. It was warmly received by readers around the world. Even today, it remains on global bestseller lists. The book has been translated into 32 languages, including several Indian languages.

This book is not merely a lament for those lying on their deathbeds. It gives voice to their longings, unfulfilled wishes, regrets, and sorrows. In a way, it is a record of a profound truth about life. Pointing towards this truth, Ware writes: “If ever one wants to live in denial about the state of our society, avoid nursing homes. If ever you feel strong enough to look at life honestly, spend some time in one.”

It may not be surprising to learn about the five greatest regrets of people approaching the final stage of their lives. What makes the book remarkable, however, is the depth and power with which it portrays their regrets and longings. The accounts draw us into their sorrow and remorse, making us feel their emotions as though they were our own. These regrets are universal. Let us explore the life experiences of these elderly people and the five major regrets they shared.

I wish I had lived life on my own terms

Writing about the first regret, Bronnie says that she heard the same sentiment from all the elderly people she cared for: “I wish I had had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

This is a hard truth. Most of us may be living lives that do not truly belong to us, lives over which we do not have complete control. We continue to live according to expectations imposed on us by society and the people around us. We fear the judgement of our relatives and our community. We remain trapped in social conventions and obligations. And whenever we try to break free, a question stands in our way: “What will people say?”

We want to pursue one path, but our elders expect us to follow another. Gradually, we bury our own dreams beneath the desires of others. We keep doing this until one day we reach a point where a powerful voice rises from within us and cries out, “I wish…” And by then, death is standing before us, ready to embrace us.

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s parents wanted him to stay in Austria and lead an ordinary life. But he had bigger dreams. He decided to live life on his own terms, and what he went on to achieve became history. Even today, he speaks of two principles that have guided his life: “Live a purposeful life in accordance with your nature. Never pay attention to the voices of other people.” So, live your life as the person you truly are, not as the person others want you to be.

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard

Bronnie Ware identifies this as the second major regret. People nearing the end of their lives would say through tear-filled eyes: “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

They regretted not having made a little more time for their children. They wished they had kissed their children tenderly on the cheeks, spent more time with their wives, relatives, and parents, and been more present for the people they loved. They had become so engrossed in their work that they gradually drifted away from the very people who were the true wealth of their lives. They had climbed the ladder of “success” at the cost of their relationships.

They had neither savoured their meals to their hearts’ content nor taken the time to appreciate the beauty of nature. They had spent their entire lives working in pursuit of a better life. But just when the time came to enjoy that life, death knocked at their door.

If only they had understood in time that life was not simply about working. Alongside work, they also needed to enjoy nature and the countless other blessings life had to offer.

I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings

Bronnie Ware tells us that many people expressed a similar regret: “I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings openly throughout my life.”

We are often quick to express our anger and hatred without hesitation, yet we become miserly when it comes to praising someone or expressing our love.

So, whenever you get an opportunity to appreciate someone, do so wholeheartedly. If you love someone, tell them openly. Give someone a pat on the back. Embrace someone you care about. But do not remain silent.

It would be a great injustice if we continued to express our hatred and grievances without restraint while suppressing the purest and most beautiful feelings within us, only to leave this world without ever giving them a voice.

I wish I had maintained my friendships

The fourth regret was: “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” Bronnie writes that people would tell her, “Promise us that you will carry our message to the world. Tell people not to let their friendships fall apart. If they ever have to choose between their ego and their friendships, tell them to let go of their ego.”

After all, it is our friends who bring the colours and blossoms into our lives. So much of the joy and merriment we experience comes from them.

Therefore, do not let your friendships fall apart. If you have made someone your friend, learn to accept their shortcomings as well. Be patient with their occasional harsh words. Make the effort to save the friendship.

Among the thousands of people we encounter, there are only a few whose closeness we truly cherish. Why? Because they touch our hearts. And the real beauty of relationships of the heart lies in preserving them.

I wish I had let myself be happier

The final regret voiced by people lying on their deathbeds was: “I wish I had let myself be happier.”

Through our own follies, we keep destroying our happiness. We spend our entire lives surrounded by fear and apprehension. Negative thoughts take hold of our minds. We yearn for a few moments of happiness, but when those moments finally arrive, we turn them into occasions for worry and sorrow.

More often than we realise, we become the very people who destroy our own happiness.

If we choose to, we can learn to savour every single moment of our lives. We make life far more difficult than it needs to be by surrounding ourselves with fear, apprehension, suspicion, and anxiety. We could live lives of much greater contentment if only we freed ourselves from these burdens.

A life without the burden of 'I wish'

Ware’s work encourages us to reflect on what truly matters when life’s end draws near. The question is not whether we can live without regrets altogether. What matters, rather, is whether we recognise the choices still available to us and have the courage to act on them.

Can we stop living merely to win the approval of others? Can we make time for the people we love before distance becomes irreversible? Can we express what we feel, mend broken relationships where possible, and embrace happiness without waiting for life to become perfect?

The question we must ask ourselves: will our final reckoning be overshadowed by the words, “I wish I had…”? Or will we be able to say that, despite our mistakes and limitations, we made a genuine effort to live fully, love deeply and find happiness while we still had the chance?

(The author is an Assistant Professor of Economics at B.R.A. Bihar University, Muzaffarpur, and a person of versatile tastes.)